i just wanna soil my oats bro
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
