rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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