We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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