everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
