two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
