Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
