Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
