My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
