Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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