I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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