The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
