Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
