I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
