I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
