We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
