Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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