ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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