Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Boobs are out for the taking
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
