How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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