butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
