That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
