Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
