so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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