just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
