return my video game
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
