I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
