I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
