Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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