I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
