i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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