Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
