I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
