Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
