My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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