Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
