my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
