It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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