break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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