I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
