Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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