I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
