shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
