i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
