Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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