Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
