I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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