Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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