I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
