cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
