He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
