Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
