my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
