Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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