a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
