i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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