Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
